


nights with you // minsung

by chaerflowers



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Bullying, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Insomnia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, No Smut, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Soft Minsung, Trauma, and it's not between minsung dw i do not tolerate the romanticization of abuse in this household, bc ew, but yeah, chanlix if you squint, eventuallly, i wrote this in lowercase bc it j feels right so if that offends u don’t read, idk how to tag smh, im either gonna update during class or at 3 am those are the only two options, im sorry it’s kinda angsty but things have to get worse before they get better right???, is romanticization even a word, it’s def there, it’s more just trauma and dreams abt it but yesh, like a little less than squint, minsung - Freeform, not exactly canon compliant but not an au, or at least it will be, that was hard, there is a fight scene tho but its not horribly graphic, theres no actual abuse or bullying in yhe fic, this is completely abt minsung but, what am I doing with my life, yeah - Freeform, yeaj
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 18,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28926528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaerflowers/pseuds/chaerflowers
Summary: in which jisung has nightmares from past trauma and minho has insomnia. when they fall asleep together their problems are much better, but it’s not so easy to sleep in the same bed as someone you’re madly in love with.(chanlix comes but only towards the end)
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 15
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

content/ trigger warnings: bullying, abuse

////////////////////////////////////////////////

minho rolled over for the thousandth time that might. he picked up his phone with as little effort as possible and turned his head, eyes squinting. 3:12 AM. he exhaled in annoyance, blaming himself as always for his inability to fall asleep. they had a performance tomorrow and he had to wake up at 8 to get ready, go to the venue, do hair and makeup, and then perform. he calculated it quickly- if it took him another hour to fall asleep, which was probably the best case scenario, he'd have about three and a half hours of sleep. fuck. but if he just lay there, he might not end up sleeping at all. his mind just didn't stop going like it was supposed to at night. he had tried everything he could- the company didn't let him take sleeping pills because of potential side effects, so he took melatonin, tried meditating, used a weighted blanket, aromatherapy, everything. he'd seen doctors over the years and nothing they'd prescribed had ever helped much.   
he decided to do what he did sometimes and got up to quietly walk around the dorms. minho had a room to himself, not of his own will, but because the company thought it might help him sleep better. it didn't. felix and chan shared a room, hyunjin and jeongin shared a room, and changbin, seungmin, and jisung had their own rooms. there were only 6 rooms in the stray kids dorm, and so they had tried out different combinations of roommates over the years. the current one seemed to be working out for everyone. chan wouldn't admit it, but they all knew felix ended up sleeping in his bed most of the time anyways. this began because chan wasn't in his bed most of the time anyways, and felix took to sleeping there because he liked chan's bed more. probably because it smelled like him or something. minho shuddered. then chan would get to their room and just sleep next to him. they all knew he could sleep in felix's bed instead, but he claimed the mattress felt different (they were the exact same mattress.)   
anyways, minho carefully walked past their room so as not to wake them up. he sat down on the couch in the general hanging-out area, put earbuds in, and started going over and rehearsing dance moves for tomorrow in his head. in the middle of a song, he heard something that sounded like it came from someone's room. he pulled his earbuds out and his brows drew together in concern. it sounded like crying. he walked over to each door, listening quietly. it wasn't his (at the end of the hall), it wasn't changbin's, it wasn't hyunjin or jeongin, it wasn't chan or felix, and it wasn't seungmin. he stepped in front of the last door on the end: jisung's.   
since they first met as trainees, minho had felt differently about jisung than he felt about the rest of the members. he wanted jisung to look at him, to stand near him, to touch him, to smile at him. he acted comfortably around him most of the time, but they both held a certain wariness of each other. a couple times, they gone gone semi-viral for being too touchy with one another. minho couldn't help it; jisung was just so.... touchable. but the incidents scared him. above all, he valued the success of stray kids as a group. they had already dealt with enough in the past years, he didn't want to add to that. more than anything, though, it scared him. people viewed him and jisung as an actual thing, like as if they were a couple, not just friends. that scared the fuck out of him for some reason. he didn't know why, because he and jisung were just that. friends.   
he leaned in to the door. sure enough, he could hear jisung crying quietly. it felt like someone was elbowing him in the chest with every sob. he didn't want to intrude, but jisung was in pain and that overrode every practical thought he might have had. he knocked on the door quietly. jisung abruptly stopped crying and said in an anxious and wary tone:   
"...who is it?"  
minho paused for a second.   
"it's me."   
a couple seconds went by. it sounded like jisung was shifting something around.   
"come in."   
minho opened the door slowly to see jisung sitting on his bed, backed into a corner, with his knees drawn to his chest and blankets drawn around him. whoever had been elbowing minho in the heart was full on punching him now. he hovered in the doorway and closed the door behind him without taking his eyes off jisung, looking smaller and more helpless than minho had ever seen him. jisung sobbed quietly again, and something inside minho broke. he sat down next to jisung on the bed, pulled his shaking body into his lap, and pulled the blanket over them. jisung melted into his arms, sobbing more than before into minho's yellow sweatshirt, his head tucked under minho's chin, resting on his chest. minho pulled him closer without even thinking about it, then thought "what the fuck am i doing?". he was just comforting jisung like anyone would, he reassured himself. he hesitantly put one hand on jisung's head and stroked his messy but soft brown hair. neither of them said anything for a couple of minutes, the only sound in the room jisung's heaving breaths and crying getting quieter by the minute. once he stopped crying more or less, minho started to say something but hesitated. jisung didn't move any further from minho, which minho wasn't expecting as he had stopped crying by now. if anything, minho almost thought he shifted even further into his arms.   
"jisung, are you- why are you crying?"   
jisung held his breath for a second, and turned his face further away from minho's and buried it more in his chest. jisung was fully wrapped up by minho's body, sitting in between his legs and embraced by his arms. he had never felt so safe in his life.   
"it's nothing bad."   
" liar, you were sobbing quietly by yourself at 3 AM."   
jisung laughed quietly, but minho wasn't laughing. his face turning further away from minho's in embarrassment, he mumbled "i had another nightmare."  
minho paused. "another?"  
jisung nodded. his face was probably bright red, not because of minho, um, holding him, but just because he was so embarrassed of this whole thing.   
"i've been having them for a couple weeks now."   
minho's heart assaulter hit him particularly hard again. "do you know why?"   
he didn't want to show how every second jisung cried physically hurt his heart, so he was trying to speak in a logical way.  
jisung took a deep breath, then another. he had never told anyone fully about this, not even chan or changbin. minho felt jisung's body tense up in his arms.   
"it's ok, you don't have to tell me." minho was trying to sound somewhat indifferent, or calm, but the wavering in his voice told jisung that he cared and wouldn't react badly.   
"before i became a trainee, and even while i was one, the kids at my school and my family didnt like me that much." jisung felt minho stiffen in anger and put his hand on minho's arm. he could feel his muscles even under a thick hoodie, which made jisung feel-   
he shook his head slightly like he was shaking off something that had clamped onto him. "kids at my school used to say i was, um, you know, like gay-"  
minho coughed violently for a second. "sorry. keep going."   
"-for liking music, and dancing, and stuff like that. obviously it wasn't true, (here minho coughed again even more violently), but they just hated me for some reason. i can't talk about all the things they used to say and do to me, but my parents found out. they already disapproved of me doing music, being quiet and not doing sports, stuff like that, you know. but after they found out i was getting bullied, it's like they wanted to join in. my dad started—" and jisung started sobbing again. minho pulled him close once again as he cried.   
"it's ok. you don't have to say any more." minho rubbed his back steadily and held him until he stopped crying again, and he was seething with anger over someone- no, multiple people, and his dad?! hurting jisung. he never wanted to let him be hurt again. after about twenty minutes, jisung stopped crying again and turned his head to face minho for the first time. minho simultaneously went red at seeing his face and felt insane amounts of anger and pain upon seeing jisung's cheeks stained with tears. then he went even more red for thinking that.   
"why are you awake right now? do you have nightmares too?"   
minho shook his head. "i have insomnia. it's gotten worse the last couple of weeks."   
jisung exhaled. "so that's why you've been more drained than normal. sometimes i think you're going to collapse, but i never say anything because i don't want to offend you.   
oddly, this made minho feel warmer inside, knowing that jisung had noticed. he shook himself a bit again. "there's nothing i can really do about it. nothing i'm allowed to do has helped."   
jisung nodded in understanding and buried his head in minho's chest again, which gave minho a weird fluttering feeling in his stomach. "you should go to bed, we have to wake up so early tomorrow."   
jisung nodded but didn't say anything. minho waited with held breath for him to- well, he wasn't really sure what he wanted him to do. he moved to get up, but jisung grabbed the sleeve of his hoodie. minho looked at him. jisung glanced down and hesitated to say something. "...can you stay? i-"  
minho nodded and relaxed instantly. he fell back onto the pillows and put his arm around jisung, who lay on his side with his head on minho's chest. minho tilted his head slightly towards him. jisung seemed to fit perfectly with him. he moved his hand onto minho's chest, which made him panic because jisung could probably feel his heart beating out of his chest. nevertheless, minho fell asleep within a couple minutes, choosing to ignore the strange feelings in his stomach and chest. jisung felt minho's breathing even out and fell asleep quickly afterwards.

thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed. chapter two is coming!   
<3,


	2. Chapter 2

sorry this one is kinda short but yeah :)

////////////////////////////////////////////////

minho woke up slowly to the sound of jisung's alarm quietly playing "another day" by stray kids. minho smiled. that's jisung's alarm? cute. the first two parts were jisung's and his, coincidentally. minho raised his eyebrows and looked down at jisung still lying on his chest, his hair messier than ever and his hand still placed there as well. minho closed his eyes again and what had happened the night before rushed through his brain like a movie. he flushed red but didn't move. there was a sound outside the door, and jisung jolted awake, turning his head first towards the door and then up at minho. minho closed his eyes and tried to change his smile into a relaxed sleeping expression. why was he smiling, anyways? and why was he pretending to be asleep? after looking at minho to ensure he was still asleep, jisung rested his head on minho's chest once again and drew even closer in a comforted way that sent jolts of energy through minho's whole body. he smiled again with his eyes still closed. the alarm probably gave them just enough time to get ready, but minho wasn't quite ready to get up for some reason. it's just warm and soft in bed, he thought. nothing more. but after fifteen minutes of watching jisung pretend to sleep, he realized painfully that they should probably get up. hesitantly, he placed his hand on jisungs head to wake him up.   
"jisung?" minho's voice was an octave deeper than normal, raspy and rough but somehow softer and more endearing than it had ever sounded to jisung. jisung slowly opened his eyes and propped himself up on one elbow. he looked at minho with puffy eyes and scratched the back of his head.   
"ugh. what time is it?"   
minho sat up and checked jisung's phone. shit. 7:38 AM. they had to leave at 8, and still had to get ready and eat something. why hadn't someone come in? it was so late.   
minho cursed. "7:38. we have to get up and get ready, we leave at eight."   
jisung groaned. getting up was the last thing he wanted to do. minho pulled the covers away to find their legs tangled up. he blushed slightly but ducked his head down so jisung couldn't see, extracted himself, and got out of the bed. minho's hair was fluffy and dark brown like a puppy. he turned back to look at jisung after stretching , and smiled at how cute he looked. ...what the fuck am i thinking? i must have gotten even less sleep than normal. minho's expression made jisung smile, and he got up too.   
they decided to eat breakfast first and then get ready, because food was more essential. they opened the door to find all of stray kids sitting on the couch with their bags, fully dressed and ready, staring at them. chan looked pissed. jisung and minho exchanged a quick glance which made minho feel warm inside even though they were definitely in trouble.   
chan's expression softened at that, and he gestured at the table, where there was breakfast for both of them.   
"go eat first, then brush your teeth and get dressed. felix packed your stuff for you."  
they both shot felix a look of gratitude, to which he replied by smiling slightly. felix could be an angel sometimes.   
"thank you. we're-"  
chan nodded to tell him he didn't need to elaborate. "just eat. we'll talk later." minho thanked him again with his expression and went to eat with jisung. then they rushed to get ready in their own rooms, simultaneously smiling to themselves and questioning why they felt so fluttery and happy.


	3. Chapter 3

tw/cw: none 

////////////////////////////////////////////////

when they finally arrived at the venue, jisung and minho were about to fall asleep again. they both sat slumped on the couch watching netflix together with clips in their hair while the other members went through styling, hair, and makeup. thankfully it wasn't an award show or a super important performance, but still. normally, minho felt drained and exhausted on nights when he got so little sleep, but today he felt different for some reason. when they finished their episode, a staff member came by to film for a stray kids talker, and asked them how they felt.   
without looking at minho, jisung said,   
"usually i feel tired, but today i feel sleepy instead,", and smiled at the camera with lowering eyelids.   
minho looked at him like he was absolutely crazy. he felt like doing everything exaggerated today.  
"what's the difference between tired and sleepy?"   
jisung thought for a minute. "tired is when you feel horrible and drained and all alone, but sleepy is like when you wake up at a sleepover with your friends, it's more happy and romantic."   
from the other side of the couch, hyunjin looked over at jisung with a judging expression.   
"romantic? how is being tired romantic?"  
"i didn't say i was tired. i said i was sleepy. tired is not pleasant, but it's romantic to be sleepy and you don't feel alone." han smiled in a giddy, sleep-deprived sort of way. minho raised his eyebrows in a skeptical way but was smiling at him still.   
"ignore him," he said to the camera. "that's what happens to your mind when you get three hours of sleep." minho rolled his eyes playfully.  
jisung flopped onto minho's lap and closed his eyes.   
"tired or sleepy, they both make me want to take a nap."   
minho agreed. jisung looked so cute lying like that but he was tired too. he pushed him (gently lol) to the floor where there was a mat set up.   
"what was that for??" complained jisung.  
"i cant lie down if you're lying on top of me!" minho rolled his eyes again and jisung grinned and hit him playfully in the stomach. minho pretended to be fatally injured and collapsed onto the ground next to jisung. the staff left to film seungmin talking with hyunjin about their upcoming stage, and jisung laughed at minho and pulled his favorite fluffy blanket out of the bag next to him, as well as a second blanket which he placed under minho's head, noticing that he had already fallen asleep. jisung smiled to himself and fell asleep shortly as well, cuddling up to minho's side.   
after a little while, they woke up to jeongin climbing next to them to take a nap. minho adjusted himself to be more comfortable for jisung, which made jisung smile with his eyes still closed. felix joined in to cuddle on the other side. minho's hand brushed jisung's while they were moving around, but jisung was feeling drunk on sleep deprivation, unexplained happiness, and a comforted feeling and decided to just grab minho's hand. minho stiffened a bit at first but then remembered they were under a blanket, and squeezed jisung's hand in return. minho felt so inexplicably happy and comforted. even though they were getting ready to perform, and he would usually be anxious because of how little sleep he got and worrying about how he was going to do on stage, he felt completely different. he felt like he was waking up on a sunday morning (it was tuesday) to lie in bed all day with someone he loved and just enjoy the comfort of them and of warm, soft things.   
wow, the idol life must really be getting to me. i'm replacing the idea of a girlfriend with jisung. he laughed to himself but instantly felt weird for some reason. the truth was, minho had never really been into girls. when he had been a backup dancer for bts, the other dancers sometimes talked about crushes they had on idols, which was entertaining to think back on after knowing stuff like how sana from twice, a common crush among guys, laughed at any man that showed interest in her. they talked about how they way she talked was just so cute, or how watching her do simple things made them fall in love. they talked about girls that they knew and had crushes on too, how they felt warm around them and wanted to be next to them all the time. minho had never felt that way about a girl. he just focused on dancing and eventually other skills, and it paid off. but sometimes he wondered about what it was like and why, even after seeing so many female idols and even getting to know some, he was 22 and had never had a crush on a girl.  
for now though, it didn't matter. lying next to jisung made him feel like he was wrapped in a warm comforter, and he wanted to savor getting to hold his hand and try to memorize how it felt before they both had to go in for hair, makeup, and styling. 

that's all bc it's three am :) i would love it if u commented or starred this if you're enjoying it <3


	4. Chapter 4

cw/tw: none   
when jisung finally had to be woken up for styling, minho pouted and pretended to be grumpy while jisung changed from his joggers and hoodie into a stage outfit. the members usually changed in bathrooms or private areas, but for minor changes and fittings they didn't worry about anyone seeing. minho was enjoying watching the stylists make minor adjustments to jisung's outfit, especially as he was wearing a tank top. he watched as they unclipped jisung's hair, and it fell softly around his face.   
"his hair looks so cute like that," he remarked to the stylist. without looked back at him, she agreed. "it does."  
"could you just leave it like that and not style further? today isn't a sexy or dark concept."   
the stylist considered it. "what do you think, jisung?"   
jisung looked at minho. "you think this looks cute? it looks like i just got out of bed!"  
that's the point, minho thought. "no, it looks..."   
the stylist finished his sentence for him. "it gives you a boyfriend vibe," and she nodded at minho in agreement. "let's keep it."   
jisung smiled. soon it was minho's turn as well, and they joked back and forth as they got their makeup done. jisung agreed to the hair on the condition that minho do it to. minho didn't think his looked as cute as jisung's, but it was worth it to see him perform looking so cute.   
even though they were performing, and normally the vibe would be more nervous or boring, the air of the whole day felt fun and warm for minho and jisung. they fell asleep in increasingly odd places: first their makeup chairs, then the floor, then the hallway, then under the table, then on the table, making the other members laugh. they slid up and down the hallway with fuzzy socks, giddy from sleep deprivation and that "romantic boyfriend vibe", pretending to be figure skaters. it didn't last very long before they fell onto the floor and decided to stay there. soon enough, they were both dressed and ready to go: jisung in a white tank top and fuzzy blue oversized cardigan, and minho in jeans and an oversized sweater.   
this was their last "all in" stage, which meant a cuter, more playful vibe. minho made it a goal to slap jisung's butt ten times during the performance, which he managed to do, making jisung giggle each time. they stuck their tongues out and winked at each other, which made jisung unable to sing his part properly from laughing, and when jisung's part came, he dragged minho by the hand with him and they did it together, play fighting at first but then hugging in the end. once it was over, the staff clapped, and minho and jisung collapsed with laughter and exhaustion onto the stage. while other members filmed sections for skz talker, jisung and minho laid on the stage like cuddly puppies. the air was cold, so jisung wrapped minho in his sweater, and they fell asleep again. chan walked by, filming them, and remarked to changbin, "with all the time they've spent sleeping today, shouldn't they be energized by now?"   
changbin just smiled.  
once the other members were ready to go, jisung and minho changed back into sweatpants and hoodies, but decided to swap their clothes to try and trick their members. suffice to say, based on the height and build difference, they caught on fairly quickly. alone in the very back in the van, jisung fell asleep on minho's shoulder, but minho didn't fall asleep this time. instead, he just smiled, pushing the questions inside him down so he could just enjoy this moment. 

AHHSSJDJ sorry this is rly short but it do be three am :(


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw/tw: w**jin, mention of sexual assault, bullying, lewd comments about girls

after a dinner of sushi and japanese food back at the dorms, chan took minho and jisung aside.  
"no more sleeping together, ok? you guys made us late, which is fine for one day but it can't happen again."  
jisung smirked. "i would never sleep with minho, chan," and stuck his tongue out in mock disgust. minho elbowed him in the side.  
chan rolled his eyes. "you know what i mean, dummy."  
minho nodded, feeling a strange twinge in his chest. "we won't, sorry chan."  
chan smiled lightly, looking back and forth between the two as if there was something else he wanted to ask. "it's ok," he said, and went to join felix playing games on the couch.  
minho turned to jisung and crossed his arms. "you wouldn't sleep with me, huh? what, am i not sexy?" he said jokingly.  
jisung shook his head. "i mean that's part of it i guess," he said sarcastically. minho flicked him on the head calmly.  
"ow!!" jisung rubbed his head. "you're just not my type," he said smugly.  
"then what is your type?" minho said in a low voice. jisung couldn't tell if he was joking anymore, searching his eyes for a hint of tone. he had no idea how minho meant it, and staring into his eyes didn't typically give him clarity of mind. in fact, it usually gave him the opposite. which is why all he ended up saying was "uhhh.."  
now minho was the one smirking. "you just don't want to admit it's me," he said, his tone teasing again. jisung felt relieved but also... disappointed?  
"minho! can you help me pass this level?" yelled felix from the couch. "you're good at games!"  
minho turned away from jisung and sat down on the couch next to felix and chan.  
what is my type? jisung wondered. he had never really thought about it. he didn't really plan to though- in all honesty, he didn't want to know. a couple of times jisung had felt oddly, like there was something different about him compared to someone like changbin, who routinely obsessed over rosé from blackpink, and was always asking chan to introduce them, to which he consistently refused. jisung never really thought about girls in that way. he probably held hands or hung out with some girls in middle or elementary school, but in high school he became so focused on his studies and on music, and the of course as stray kids there was a clear ban on dating girls. the thought brought his mind to their former member. he shuddered in disgust at how he had once considered him a friend, before he knew his true nature. he probably should have realized earlier- woojin sometimes made weird comments about girls, like itzy or twice who were in their company. jisung was young, and he knew woojin as someone trustworthy, so he never did more than tell him how weird it was. at least he knew now that none of the other members were like him- changbin’s crush on rosé was completely different, it was innocent and at this point mostly a joke. if he hadn't ignored the signs from woojin, though, jisung could have stopped him. then all of the horrible things that happened, the girls who were hurt-  
_remember what chan said. don't blame yourself- there's no one to blame but him._  
jisung felt bitterness at what had happened. towards the end of his time in stray kids, when woojin started to treat them badly, he had had it in for minho especially. jisung didn't know why- maybe because he thought of him as a threat. or maybe because woojin had always taken an interest in jisung, god knows with what motives, and minho was always the one to protect him. he protected felix and jeongin, too, jisung told himself. well, hyunjin protected jeongin most of the time, if he thought about it. and woojin didn’t try to terrorize felix very often. he was probably scared of what chan would do if he noticed. so then minho was mostly protecting him. in a weird way, it made him happy. _what the fuck is wrong with you?_ he thought. _minho protecting you from a sexual assaulter and bully makes you feel happiness?_  
_...yes,_ responded jisung to himself.  
all of a sudden jisung had that weird thought that he always pushed away- of _what if i'm different, why do i feel this way about minho specifically, could i have a-_  
"YESS!!!!!!" yelled felix, leaping up from the couch to jump around. jisung snapped out of it, and looked quizzically at chan, who was fondly watching felix dance around the kitchen like a maniac. "what happened?"  
minho looked up at jisung, smiling and flushed with victory. "i made it to the next level."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY this is so short djdjjdjd but i just wanted to write a little bit, sorry for adding w**jin in i didn’t plan to, it just kinda happened. anyways it’s late and i have sm work to do tomorrow f me. anyways anyways have a nice day!!!   
> also, peep the last line for some foreshadowing ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw/tw: anxiety/panic attack / ptsd? i’m not sure exactly, but anxiety and mention of trauma, also nightmares

around 10:30, everyone had gone to bed except jisung, minho, and chan, who were sitting on the couch talking and playing mobile games. pushing himself off the couch, chan called out "good night, sleep well guys."

jisung and minho nodded, neither of them looking up from their games but both replying to chan. even without speaking or looking at each other, they felt comfortable with each other's presence and drew out the time as long as they could. around 11:15, minho put his phone down. he got up and stood in front of jisung, offering his hand to get up from the couch. jisung looked up at him and took minho's hand with both of his. minho pulled him up, slightly overestimating how much force it would take. in one motion, jisung was inches away from minho's face with both minho's hands and jisung's hand clasped to minho's chest. for a second, neither of them said anything, or breathed for that matter, then minho backed up a step. he didn't look at jisung as he muttered a brief goodnight and almost ran into his room without looking back at jisung, leaving the younger standing in the same position with his hand raised like it was still resting on minho's chest. _what was up with him?_

safely back in his room, minho sank down against the door, hugging his knees to his chest and trying steady his heartbeart by breathing slowly and deeply.

he was in love with jisung.

minho cried softly but painfully, his chest heaving with a strange mix of relief, anxiety, and uncomfort. how could he have let this happen? a million questions were racing through his mind, like _does this mean i'm gay? can everyone tell? why?_ but more than anything,

_...does jisung like me too?_

he almost growled in frustration but remembered jisung was still awake and outside. he buried his head in his hands and grabbed his hair in his fists. what was he supposed to do with this? he exclusively thought of this realization as a problem, but hopelessly romantic and frivolous thoughts of _does he know i like him? does he like me? does he want what i want?_ pushed their way through. he realized he had thought this way for a long time- maybe even since before they debuted? but now, with the knowledge that he liked jisung, everything made more sense.

at the same time, nothing made sense. why hadn't he realized sooner? skinship and playful teasing was one thing, actually having a crush on a group member of the same sex was something completely unheard of. if he let his feelings show, jisung would reject him, it would ruin the group dynamic, and he would be kicked out. he would ruin stray kids, and they had been through enough already. he couldn't talk to any of them about this, at least not chan, and definitely not jisung.

for the next hour, these thoughts spun around in his head like a spider spinning a web. finally, he realized the web spelled something: the only thing to do was ignore his feelings until they went away. _you think they'll just go away like that?_ the voice in his head asked him. minho physically shook his head. no. but it didn't matter. whether he liked it or not, whether it made his feelings go away or not, whether he would ever be able to look into jisung's eyes and not feel like he could find the answer to eternal happiness if he kept looking, or like looking in his eyes was the key to eternal happiness. finally, he remembered with frustration that they had to start recording for their new song tomorrow, so hemoved to his bed without even changing or washing his face. he felt exhausted from crying for the past hour and a half, but his body just wouldn’t let him fall asleep. he laid on his back and stared at the textured ceiling that he knew was the exact same in jisung’s room. at the thought of being in jisung’s room, lying next to him, he felt even more pain than before. _what if jisung is having another nightmare right now? i wouldn’t be able to hear him crying, and i’m not supposed to go to him anyways_ , he thought with bitterness. nevertheless, he held his breath and held still, reaching out to hear any pain jisung might be in. when he was met with silence, he rolled onto his side and held a pillow in his arms, the shittiest replacement for the love of your life there was.

unfortunately, minho was correct. jisung was having another nightmare, even worse than the previous nightmare. the hours he spent after waking up from one were often worse than the nightmare itself. the nightmares usually only reminded him of his past in some vague, twisted kind of allusion, like a really talented writer might use in a book. jisung wasn’t a fucking book, though. he was human. and he was reminded of the suffering that could come along with that for the next few hours, with past experiences of trauma decimating his mind like kids stomping on a sandcastle, packaged neatly along with waves of self-doubt and anxiety. the cycle of crying lasted for hours, and the only thoughts that rose above the swirling sea of dark thoughts were about how much better he would feel if minho was there to hold him and tell him it was ok. he curled into the smallest position he could manage and placed two pillows on either side of him as if to replicate the feeling of being held, but pillows were nothing compared to lee minho.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe hope u enjoyed it, short one again but surprise surprise it is 3am basically and i literally have more than 80 missing assignments hahahahahah


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw/tw: self doubt and anxiety

jisung finally fell asleep around 6 am, only to wake up an hour later for recording. minho.. wasn't sure if he slept at all, the later hours of mental distress blending in between dream and reality as his mind struggled to recalibrate with this new realization that now matter how he framed it, he was in love with han jisung.

speak of the devil- or, more like angel if he was being honest. minho stepped out of his room, still in the same clothes from the day before. there was jisung, standing and talking to felix, who looked concerned. jisung turned his head around with wide eyes, and immediately minho could see he looked exhausted not just physically but mentally too. what was even more noticeable, though, was how a wave of some emotion too strong to name hit minho’s body like it wanted to knock him out. he felt like he couldn’t breathe. jisung and felix both looked even more concerned than they had previously at the sight of minho. jisung spoke first.

“minho, what happened? you look...”

“..horrible,” finished felix. jisung nodded in agreement. minho backed up and stumbled a little bit, and ran back into his room just to collapse before he even got to the bed. it was partly from the flood of emotions that the sight of jisung, even with bags under his eyes, and casual hoodie with the sleeves draped over his shoulders and pulled over his hands, and his wide glassy eyes and messy hair-

and partially from the fact that he hadn’t slept more than three hours in one night for the past two weeks. he couldn’t even lift his head when the door opened and jisung knelt down next to him, yelling for felix to get chan or their manager. minho felt jisung’s hand on his back and with all his effort pulled away from jisung’s touch, because it was making it even harder to breathe.

after minho had eaten something, the manager insisted that he at least take a nap for a couple of hours while the other members started recording. minho didn’t protest, retreating into his room without looking back once at jisung, who was left standing in the hall even after all the other members had left, with an expression like a heartbroken abandoned puppy, tears forming in his eyes. when chan doubled back after realizing hiding hadn’t come along with them, jisung wiped his tears away quickly.

“..jisung? aren’t you coming?” chan asked quizzically.

“ oh.. um, could i just stay here and nap too? i didn’t get much sleep and i want to make sure minho is ok when he wakes up.” jisung bowed his head in embrassment at the last part, telling himself he would do the same for any member. chan took one look at the emptiness behind jisung’s eyes, and how tired he looked, and nodded. he turned away to go record with everyone else, and gathered a curious felix who was lingering by the end of the hall. jisung slumped against minho’s door, listening for sounds of distress. he couldn’t make out anything, but he kept his ear to the door nevertheless. the sight of jisung, sitting on the floor like a dog waiting for it’s owner, was a contradiction to the humorous and cocky personality he usually showed. something about minho made all his protective barriers and walls crumble, made him stumble over his words and made him do stupid, sappy shit like this, waiting outside someone’s door while they slept. would he really do this for any member? he asked himself. the answer was no. jisung wasn’t the type to deny things to himself, and he grew up in environment that was much more open and accepting. so realizing that he was absolutely head over heels in love with minho wasn’t a revelation, it was just a confession to himself of something he had known for a while. jisung sighed. he struggled to keep his eyes open. _you’re such a simp_ , he could picture minho teasing him. his heart aching from the knowledge that minho would never feel the same way, and even more from the fact that he had collapsed at the sight of jisung and pulled away from his touch when just the night before he had been the one pulling jisung closer. he must have realized i like him and felt disgusted, thought jisung bitterly. as these miserable thoughts ravaged his mind, his exhaustion took over and he fell asleep.

an hour later, and after showering and changing, minho walked out of his room and almost tripped over jisung, who was for some reason sleeping on the floor outside his door. minho’s heart reminded him of all he would never had as he looked down at the younger boy’s sleeping face. he knelt down with a bittersweet feeling and woke jisung up by shaking his shoulder gently. jisung blinked his eyes open, adjusting to the bright light, and saw minho standing over him.

“let’s go record,” was all minho said, and he stepped around jisung to head into the recording booth, blinking away tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look at that once again very late at night and very short chapter im sorry but enjoy


	8. Chapter 8

the day they spent trying to record parts of their next album was the worst day minho had had in months, maybe longer. everyone was hushed around him. he seemed exhausted but also in a depressive episode, nothing made him laugh or smile. usually that was jisung’s job, but the younger boy was moping around too, almost as tired as minho was. he spent most of his time not recording staring into space, or at minho, and trying not to fall asleep. minho couldn’t even bear to look at jisung all day. when minho triedto record their title track his lines had no energy, and his voice sounded raspy where it should have been clear. chan scolded him and made him do it over and over again, but it still didn’t sound right and he realized that minho physically couldn’t sing the lines the right way that day. in a desperate attempt to get some work done, chan moved on to a slower, sad song, coincidentally one that jisung had written by himself, about feelings of self doubt and anxiety. stray kids had never tried a song with such an open message, and they weren’t even sure they wanted to include it in their upcoming album. outside the recording booth, only chan sat with changbin and jisung, who had fallen asleep in the chair. adjusting some settings, and pressing play on the instrumental track, chan nodded at minho. minho had the lyrics in front of him, but he knew the song already. as the first melancholy chords played, minho straightened up slightly. he started singing the opening in a way he had never even heard himself sing before. his voice was raspy and rough from the sleepless night of crying, but it had a depth to it that gave the lyrics even more meaning. at the sound, jisung woke up and intently watched minho sing the heartfelt lyrics that he had written. as minho continued, chan, changbin, and jisung all watched him with wide eyes. this was a completely new sound for stray kids, and it was amazing. jisung almost cried with how much pain was evident in minho’s voice. it was like minho was laying out his suffering flat on a table, and the words of the song gently picked it up and wove it together. as they reached the last verse, where the song was supposed to end on a positive note, they all broke from their trance as minho’s voice abruptly cut off, and they looked around in confusion as minho had suddenly disappeared. chan opened the door to the recording booth to find minho crying softly on the ground, with his knees to his chest. chan exchanged a look with changbin and changbin nodded, practically dragging jisung out of the room. the younger protested, but minho shook his head when chan asked if jisung could stay, and so he shut the door in jisung’s face when he tried to go back in.

“minho, i know you’re exhausted, but is there something else that’s going on?” chan asked gently, placing a hand on minho’s back, slightly awkwardly. he had never seen minho cry, the only time was a tiny bit during his elimination.

but minho just shook his head. _i can’t believe i’m crying in front of chan- and changbin and jisung saw me. this is the first and last time it can happen_ , he told himself. he wiped his eyes angrily and shook his head. “i’m sorry, chan. it won’t happen again. i’m really sorry about today, and about- this, i’m just really exhausted. i don’t know what’s wrong with me today.”

chan nodded but he didn’t seem satisfied. fortunately for minho, everyone knew that he wasn’t the type to talk about his feelings, and there was nothing you could do to change that, no matter what. so chan just hugged him briefly and pulled him to his feet.

“i think i know the problem.”

minho looked up, confused. “you do?”

chan nodded. “you can’t sleep, right?”

minho nodded hesitantly.

“so, the only thing that has ever worked was yesterday when you slept in jisung’s bed. from now on, just sleep there. i’ll ask jisung, but i’m sure he’ll be fine with it.”

inside minho’s head, multiple separate alarms were going off. his mind raced for reasons not to. “but-“

chan shook his head. “i won’t take no for an answer. this is a necessity for your health and for our success as a group. if you want us to succeed, you have to be functioning and healthy. ok?”

how could minho argue with that? all he had ever wanted was for stray kids to succeed. so he nodded hi head reluctantly, positive that this could only end in endless repeating heartbreak.“ok.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY this happens literally every time but sorry it’s so short and i didn’t update for a while djfjfjf i’ll try to do better


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry to interrupt but i wanted to quickly address the recent stuff with jisung's old lyrics- i'm not in a position to accept or decline his apology but i truly believe he has good intentions and i know stray kids, they would never intentionally discriminate against anyone. but please don't blindly accept the apology, especially if you're not affected by it personally. that's all, now enjoy :)

it was obvious to jisung what was going on with minho. he could see it clearly in his eyes, which never made contact with jisung's anymore. he could see it in the way minho flinched when jisung got too close to him now. he could see it in the way minho slept next to him these days- turned away, as far from him as possible, not saying anything and getting up and leaving before jisung even awoke. he was left with a cold and empty space that he never realized could exist in minho's absence. 

yes, jisung knew exactly what was going on. after that evening where minho pulled jisung up from the couch and they got so close they could kiss, jisung had stared into his eyes with such fervent intensity, and not pulled away, and held minho's hand in both of his, and held their hands to minho's chest. how could minho not have realized that jisung was in love with him? that's why he pushed jisung away in disgust and ran to his room. jisung's mind was filled with thoughts of  _ he finds me disgusting, he feels uncomfortable around me, i took advantage of his friendship, i used him, i tricked him, he's only trying to put up with me for the sake of the group, and now he has to sleep in my bed, and he's afraid of me, _ and it just went on and on like this, for days. so jisung stopped cuddling with minho, spoke to him like a colleague, like any other member, to try to convince him that jisung never meant to make him uncomfortable by revealing his feelings. jisung never meant to hurt minho. he was never going to reveal how he felt about him, because first of all minho didn't even like guys, let alone someone like jisung. but he knew his feelings for minho wouldn't go away, so he just longed for him from a further distance than before, which was even more painful after losing the close friendship they had once had. 

at the very least, minho's presence in his bed was comforting. jisung didn't exactly sleep well, but he didn't have nightmares. his brain was too focused on the pain caused by minho's rejection to have room for anything else. but as weeks went by, and the pain dulled to a constant ache more than the sharp pain of the first week, his past started to haunt him again. jisung's family had always been abusive to him, which is why he poured every ounce of his passion into music. he had friends in school, but he also had enemies. not because of anything he had done, just because of how he was: short, skinny, quiet, not good at sports, and most of all the sum of a million incriminating details that amounted to the word they shot at him every chance they had:  _ gay _ . jisung didn't know how they even knew he was, but at least the school bullies never really hurt him physically. 

his dad was another story. jisung was everything his father had hoped to avoid in a child. he took it out on jisung, who bore only emotional abuse most days, but when his dad got really angry he would throw things at him or hit him, yelling slurs and insults. as soon as he could, jisung became a trainee and moved away, cutting off ties with his family. but the trauma from those years stuck with him. most of the time he had managed to avoid it.

while being in a group was stressful at times, all his members were kind and open. of course none of them knew he was gay, but they had all talked about it before, and he knew that everyone was accepting. what had triggered the nightmares was when he saw a comment on a facebook page from one of his old bullies. his old school had posted a short message about him, being a successful alumni, and under it his bully wrote "he always was unique". to anyone besides jisung, this message would have seemed passive aggressive at most, but it sent jisung into a deep spiral of anxiety. what if people from his school found more videos, like the ones of him and minho that fans compiled? what if they posted something about how he was gay, even though jisung had denied it all throughout high school? the smallest action by someone from his old school could start rumors and destroy him, and ruin his future in stray kids.

that's when the nightmares began. they were mostly twisted forms of flashbacks from his childhood: one common one was that he was performing on stage and the crowd started chanting the f slur at him, or his father appeared in the audience. the members, mostly chan and changbin since he had known them the longest, knew that his childhood had been hard, and that he didn't keep in touch with his father. but only minho knew the details, that had all come out that night when he heard jisung crying.

now that his mind has more free space, and with minho turned away from him and as far away as he could get on the medium sized bed, his sleep was plagued by another nightmare. 

minho was sleeping on his side, as far away from jisung as possible like he always did. the closer he got to jisung, the faster his heart beat. jisung was like a magnet. the closer minho got, the more he was afraid he wouldn't be able to hold back the feelings that wanted to spill out of him. jisung's very presence, however diminished, was still comforting to minho, and while he couldn't sleep as well as he wished, he could get enough to get by. tonight was like any other. it was only 1:00, and minho was awake, knees pulled to his chest, when jisung started breathing heavily, and more loudly than he should. he drew in air in violent, short bursts. minho sat up and instinctively put his hand on jisung’s back to find him shaking like he had seen a ghost. jisung’s hands curled around the side of the bed and his eyes were closed, his face contorted with pain. panicking, minho said jisung’s name over and over, louder and louder until jisung’s eyes shot open and his breath heaved like he escaped someone chasing him. minho repeated jisung’s name, but no longer as a question, as a comforting rhythm. jisung started sobbing, and flinched away from minho’s touch at first, but softened slightly when he realized who it was. minho pulled the shaking boy into his lap and held jisung’s face in his hands. 

“ _ look at me. jisung, look at me,” _ he whispered urgently. jisung struggled to open his eyes, looking down. minho’s hand slipped down to under jisung’s chin, and he gently lifted his face to look into minho’s eyes. 

“ _ it’s ok. you’re safe, it’s only me. no one can hurt you. it’s ok.” _ he moved his hands to the back of his neck and brought his forehead to touch jisung’s. jisung sobbed still, his eyes closing again. after a moment, minho drew jisung into his arms and held him as he cried, trying to visualize absorbing every sob into himself, and putting up a barrier that protected them from the world, even in the safety of jisung’s room. he rubbed jisung’s back slowly as he cried into minho’s yellow sweatshirt. minho didn’t mind. he hoped the fabric would absorb jisung’s tears, and hold them in so jisung wouldn’t be reminded of their pain ever again. after an hour of crying into minho’s shoulder, which was warm and soft and firm and strong all at once, jisung fell into sleep without meaning to. minho noticed as his breath evened out and adjusted himself so jisung could lie comfortably in the crook of his arm. every rational thought of self preservation and avoidance of an awkward situation evaporated when jisung needed him. if someone knocked at their door right now to tell minho there was an eclipse, or asteroid, or the northern lights, or a shooting star, he would tell them it could wait. everything could wait as long as jisung was safe and protected in his arms. 

minho realized his priorities weren’t what he thought they were. the most important thing to him was, and always had been, that jisung was safe and happy. in order to do that, he had to find a way to open himself up to jisung a little bit, without giving in completely. it would be like torture to be close to jisung but not in the way he wanted, but he could deal with it. he had to be closer to jisung in order to protect him. as he drifted off to sleep, he resolved to protect jisung from harm in any way he could. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one night.. wow im impressed with myself. this is short tho so im not gonna give myself too much credit. also, this isn't the last chapter but we r nearing the end :)

so for a while, the situation was at least peaceful. minho warmed up to jisung again, not like before but enough. it pained him but the purpose of keeping jisung safe and happy kept minho on track. 

jisung felt like minho might be starting to forgive him for liking him, or maybe minho thought jisung had gotten over him (he hadn’t). jisung had a few more nightmares, but the guys from high school never posted anything more. and every time he woke up, drained, terrified, and confused, minho was there to hold him and absorb his sobs and stroke his hair or back, and bring him back to reality. it pained jisung after to know that minho had to hold him like his lover when he was clearly uncomfortable acting that way with jisung, but while he was in minho’s arms he only felt comforted and safe. they could joke around and put their hands on the other’s shoulder during videos or pictures. it wasn’t enough, but it was better than minho ignoring him. slowly, the nightmares subsided, and jisung and minho slept like an old couple: not touching, but comfortable. 

they finished recording their album, and as soon as it was approved by the company, minho led the efforts to create choreography, and they brainstormed the visual concepts for everything. they had to memorize the choreographies for two different songs at once, which was exhausting. minho was usually the last one in the practice room, staying to help any member who wanted it, and practicing extra himself to make sure he could be a perfect example for everyone to rely on. when jisung left the practice rooms, he would meet minho’s eyes through the mirror, and smile a little sadly, wave, and leave with his jacket and bag. 

soon enough, the set of their music video was designed, and built, and the costumes prepared, and they were set to start filming. they were set to film in a forest area, which was somewhere in indonesia. to get there, they had to take a plane. airports, more specifically the crowds that came along with them, made jisung anxious. keeping close to the rest of the members, he made his way through the crowd of fans, yelling and taking pictures. minho walked behind him, keeping his eyes on jisung or the ground the whole time.

finally, they made it to security and customs. unfortunately, they were still out in the open: the crowd of fansites and other fans gathered at the barrier to watch them as they went through security measures. jisung waited as the officer behind the plexiglass wall checked seungmin’s passport, approving him with a nod.

“can i see your passport please, sir?”

jisung nodded and opened his bag to retrieve his passport.  _ i thought it was right here _ ? he thought as he frowned, checking another pocket. their manager tapped his foot loudly and sighed as jisung anxiously rummaged around in his bag. seungmin looked back in confusion, wondering what was taking jisung so long. 

_ shit. _ jisung’s passport wasn’t in his bag. his heart rate ticked up rapidly. he turned to his manager and said nervously, “um, i don’t-”

his manager stepped closer to him. from behind them both, minho watched closely.

“you don’t what?” his manager said in a dangerously low voice.

“i dont- i don’t have my passport.” jisung hung his head in shame and fear of crying in front of everyone. 

their manager flew into anger. “what do you mean you don't have your passport?! why would it not be in your bag?? you’ll really make someone go back,and we’ll all be late!! where is it?!”

jisung looked at the crowd of fans, who were watching the exchange with bated breath. 

“i don’t know..”

in one quick motion the manager raised his hand to slap jisung, but his hand met empty air as jisung covered his face and huddled to the ground in a reaction that showed he was prepared for this, and had experienced it before. 

it felt like jisung was underwater, watching what happened next. minho grabbed their manager by the shoulders and pushed him to the ground, yelling curses at him. he punched him in the face again and again. the manager wasn’t a weak man, but minho had been working out every morning for months, and he couldn’t comprehend that another member had somehow gotten him onto the ground and was hitting him, hard. in only a couple seconds, two security guards rushed to minho and pulled him off, fighting against their grip. the manager, shocked and bleeding from his nose, touched his face and wiped the blood. he looked at his hand, stained red and glistening wet, in disbelief. the security guards didn’t let minho go as he struggled against their firm hold, watching seungmin and chan, wide-eyed in anger and surprise, collect a shell-shocked jisung. as his senses came back, minho turned to the crowd of fans, who were taking pictures every second and talking loudly, with their hands covering their mouths and eyebrows raised. the consequences of what he had done sunk in.

there was no way around it. he was going to be kicked out of stray kids. 


	11. Chapter 11

after being held in a security room in the airport, minho was lead into a small room with blue walls and harsh fluorescent lighting. their manager sat on one side of the room with some of their staff, light bruises blooming on his face but otherwise unscathed. on the other side of the room sat jisung, who stared at minho in anger. minho didn’t meet his eyes, and the security officer led him to sit in a chair against the wall in between them. a woman with multiple badges stood at the front of the room, flanked by large security officers with their arms crossed and blank expressions. she cleared her throat. 

“lee minho, correct?” minho nodded silently.

“mr. jeong-” she gestured to the manager- “has graciously decided not to press charges against you. and mr.-” she looked at jisung blankly. “han jisung,” he said, and she nodded in apology. “he has decided not to press charges against mr. jeong either. you are the only one who was not assaulted, so if there’s anything you’d like to say now, please do. your other manager is waiting to take you back home where the rest of your group is waiting.” 

all minho could do was stare at the ground, more in regret over his actions than empathy for their manager. “i’m really sorry, i don’t know what came over me.” was all he could say, quietly. the manager didn’t say anything but nodded reluctantly. 

“we’ll leave you for a minute to gather your things, please take a few minutes and come outside. silently, her, the manager, the staff, and the security officers filed out of the room, leaving minho alone with jisung. minho slowly raised his eyes to meet jisung’s without raising his head all the way. jisung stood up and placed both of his hands on minho’s chest, which sent an electric shock through minho until jisung shoved him backwards. he stumbled a bit and backed up all the way against the wall. jisung yelled at him, “ _ what the fuck were you doing? why did you do something like that?!”  _ his eyes glistened with angry tears, and although jisung was shorter than minho they were eye to eye as minho had sunk down against the force of jisung’s glare. minho didn’t respond so jisung cried out with even more fury, 

_ “what the fuck is wrong with you?!”  _

minho bristled at this, the numb feeling in his chest giving way to a blind hotness that snapped at jisung, 

“why are you so mad? he was going to hit you!”

jisung growled a response, quiet at first but bursting into anger. 

“you could get _ kicked out! is that what you want!?” _

minho couldn’t understand why jisung was this angry. it scared minho, because jisung had never been this angry: not when three week’s worth of music got deleted, not when fans pushed him, not when he argued and physically fought with hyunjin during trainee days. his face was flushed with an angry red, not like the soft pink minho was used to. his face was arranged into a snarl. his arms and fists were tensed, so unlike the flinching boy who had fallen to the ground when someone raised their hand to hurt him. to add on to that, jisung never swore at him, or at all generally, not since he was much younger. 

minho exhaled a tense breath in frustration, yelling back at jisung,

“ _ well maybe that would be better for everyone!” _

jisung grew even more red and stepped closer to minho, screaming now. 

“ _ how the fuck would that be better?!” _

minho rolled his eyes in frustration at jisung’s stupidity and his whole body was tensed. 

“ _ it just would be! i can’t stop it from happening anyways!” _

jisung was shaking in anger. 

“ _ well you can’t leave!!”  _ he screamed. he didn’t know what else to say, but his heart was about to leap onto the floor by the speed it was beating. minho laughed sarcastically and sneered at jisung.

“ _ and why is that?”  _

jisung exploded finally, bursting into flames.

_ “because i’m in love with you!!” _


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i took a while to update!! hopefully i can make up for it with a slightly longer chapter <3

the door opened and the woman with the badges stepped in abruptly. jisung turned to stare at her helplessly, but minho barely even noticed she was there over the echoed volume of jisung’s six words. she held the door open and gestured firmly. “out. now.” 

jisung, gaze fixated on his shoes, followed her movement and went outside, to find chan, their second manager, and then the rest of stray kids waiting awkwardly on a bench fifty feet away. jisung exhaled slightly- at least they hadn’t heard him. minho stumbled out a moment later, the woman guiding him with a hand on his back, shutting the door behind him. his head was filled with a sort of pink hazy cloud that filled every nook and cranny, leaving no room for anything besides 

_ i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you im in  _

jisung huddled next to changbin, who looked at him, bewildered. minho barely even noticed they were there, and all staring at him. 

_ i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you im in love with  _

“minho?” asked chan. the rest of stray kids, jisung included, had already left to get into cars through a back entrance that would take them back to the dorms, all while minho was spacing out. 

“minho? hello?”

minho shook his head slightly and turned to chan as if he was noticing him for the first time. “huh?”

chan stared at minho, who was looking into space. “let’s go. everyone went to the cars already. we’re going back to the dorms and postponing the mv filming until we figure this out.” chan’s voice shook slightly at the last part. that’s when the consequences of the last hour squeezed their way back into minho’s mind. he looked up at chan. 

“i’m so sorry,” he said, voice ridden with tremors. “you worked so hard to keep us together and i just destroyed that.” anger and self-loathing bubbled up inside him. 

chan just shook his head. “i won’t let you get kicked out. i promise.”

minho didn’t reply. he knew it was pointless to hope.

back at the dorms, chan led minho to one of the meeting rooms, leaving him alone for a minute while chan got something. minho tried to focus on the consequences he was facing, but his mind wouldn’t stop replaying jisung’s words:

_ i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you  _

finally, it sunk in that if he got kicked out he wouldn’t see jisung every day, if at all. his stomach dropped like he was falling from a building. 

_ i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you  _

chan opened the door, shutting off minho’s broken tape mind. he sat down facing minho and rested his hands on the table with drawn brows. 

“tell me what’s going on please.” 

his tone was firm, but minho could sense the shaking underneath masked by professionalism. he looked at chan and took a deep breath. 

“i’m so sorry. i can’t explain how sorry i am.” words tumbled out of minho. “it was a mistake and i should never have done it. i don’t know what i was thinking- actually, i wasn’t thinking. i know you can’t forgive me and i’ll be kicked out but i’ll do everything i can to make it easier for you all.” he hid his face by putting his head down in his arms on the table, not wanting chan to see him crying, again. but still, through the pain, 

_ i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you  _

chan put a hand on minho’s head hesitantly. he raised his head and wiped his eyes, embarrassed. 

“you’re not going to get kicked out. i won’t let that happen.” 

minho almost rolled his eyes at chan’s endless loyalty and commitment.

“thank you, but there’s no way to get out of this.”

chan looked at minho like he was a scratched dvd that kept skipping over things. 

“minho, why? why did you attack him?” 

minho almost laughed. “does it matter? i gave him a bloody nose and bruises. there’s no excuse.” 

but chan just shook his head. 

“just tell me why.” 

minho didn’t say anything for a moment. in the silence it got louder: 

_ i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you  _

more than anything, he wanted to see jisung right now. if that meant clinging on to the possibly very painful and certainly risky hope that he might be allowed to stay, and fighting for that. he would do it. 

except he couldn’t. 

“i can’t tell you.”

chan just stared at him blankly. 

“what do you mean you can’t tell me?”

minho shook his head. “it’s not about me, it’s about jisung.”

when he had seen the manager try to slap jisung, and watched as jisung crumpled to the ground, expecting and prepared from years of abuse, something had taken over his body, and he attacked the thing that hurt jisung. 

“what do you mean?” 

“the reason i attacked him has something to do with jisung, not between me and our manager. it’s not even about the manager really.”

chan just looked confused. “so… i should go talk to jisung?”

minho just stared at chan blankly as  _ i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you  _ coursed through his head at the mention of jisung. 

chan just nodded and walked out. 

in his dorm room, jisung was sitting with his knees pulled to his chest in the corner of his bed when chan came in. 

“hi,” chan said, smiling sadly. “how are you doing?” 

_ if only he knew,  _ thought jisung. the only person he had ever and would ever love had just rejected him. he could still picture minho’s shocked face when “i’m in love with you” had spilled out of jisung. 

“not great,” he said. 

chan nodded and scratched the back of his head. “so, um- minho told me the reason he, uh, attacked our manager was because of something to do with you.”

jisung scrunched his face up in confusion. “because of me? how?”

chan shook his head. “i don’t know. he said the reason he did it was because of something about you, not about something between him and the manager. but he said he couldn’t tell me, so i’m here to ask you.” 

jisung hesitantly let understanding over him, but somehow he was left even more confused. why would minho want to do that for him?

“i don’t-“ he wanted to cry but he had no tears left. “i don’t think minho would do that for me? for the reason i think?” 

“really? you don’t remember how protective minho is over all of you? how selfless he is? if there’s a good reason, i’m sure it’s what you’re thinking.”

despite how he hated it, a flutter of light still ran through jisung at the thought of minho caring for him. he realized the truth of chan’s words. minho deserved so much better than him, but jisung couldn’t stop wishing he were in minho’s arms now.  _ he rejected you. move on.  _

jisung took a deep breath. if there was any situation in which he should talk about his abusive childhood, it was this one. chan waited patiently for him to begin. 

“i don't really know where to start. but you know i don’t talk to my parents anymore. when i was younger, they were very disappointed in the way i was. my dad especially. he took his anger out on me, um, physically.” jisung looked down at his shoes, trying to push down the traumatic memories. 

“and kids from school hurt me too, not as bad physically, but still. and at home every day all i heard was how i was an idiot, worthless, a freak, disgusting, wrong-”

chan wrapped jisung in a hug, his eyes glistening with tears. “you don’t have to talk about it any more. i’m so sorry, i’m so so sorry.”

a fleeting, dangerously risky thought entered jisung’s head. if minho had attacked someone who wanted to hurt him, because of what he had told minho about, that must mean he didn’t hate him completely, right? at least to some degree, maybe they could still be friends. after even a couple hours without seeing minho, jisung felt like something was missing. he realized that he couldn’t get by going through each hour without minho. the thought of minho not being a part of stray kids was all the more painful after jisung recalled the period of time when he was eliminated: jisung hadn’t slept, hadn’t eaten, hadn’t smiled. he couldn’t survive without minho, and he couldn’t imagine what pain minho was in, considering the possibility of not being a part of stray kids. 

“i’ll leave the group.”

chan looked at him with complete surprise. “you’ll- what? why would you leave the group?!”

jisung looked down at his hands. “i can’t be in stray kids if minho isn’t.” 

chan studied him for a moment. “i won’t let that happen.” he placed his hands on jisung’s shoulders. “would it be ok if i shared a very general idea of what you told me with the manger and PR team? i think that’s the only way we can figure this out.”

jisung felt slightly uncomfortable. but the possibility of remaining with minho, foolish as it was considering minho had rejected him, pulled the words out of jisung: “it’s ok with me.”

chan hugged him again and was out of the room, sending in changbin to watch over him, before jisung could think about what he had just done. 

back in the conference room, minho looked up anxiously as chan opened the door once again. “what did he say?”

“he told me his dad abused him, and he was bullied, if that’s what you were talking about.”

minho nodded slowly. 

“so, you hit the manager because..?”

minho bristled with anger again, thinking about the way the manager’s open hand never connected with jisung’s cheek, because jisung’s body instinctively knew exactly what to do when someone tried to hit him. 

“because he tired to hurt jisung, and i saw how badly it affected him. i don’t know if you saw directly, but he tried to slap him for only not being able to find hid passport, of all things, which wasn’t his fault by the way- he had given it to the other manager to safekeep and she had forgotten and gone through already. i saw her holding it after. and the way he flinched and fell to the ground like it had happened to him a million times...”

chan just nodded, not saying anything.

minho sighed. 

“i know you can’t forgive me. i’m so sorry.”

“no, i forgive you.”

minho looked up, startled. “you- you do? why?” 

chan tilted his head to the side as he spoke, a habit he had picked up from felix. 

“sure it was stupid, but your heart was in the right place. you wanted to protect jisung. i understand. you two-“ chan broke off, unsure. 

minho looked at him. did chan know? he could deny it, but chan knew him better than that.

“let’s just say i understand,” said chan, smiling sadly down at his hands. 

suddenly minho understood. the way chan looked at felix like he was the whole universe had always seemed similar to how he looked at jisung. and unfortunately for chan, felix was the type to just love everyone. 

minho grabbed chan’s hands and they made eye contact, silent understanding passing between them. 

“jisung said he would leave stray kids if you left. so i think it’s in the best interest of all of us if i go talk to the PR team and manager now. we’ll figure this out, and-“

minho interrupted him. “jisung said he would leave stray kids if i left?”

chan nodded. “yeah.” 

“can i please see him?”

_ i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you  _

“no, he’s talking to the PR team now. he told me i could tell them. i think our only way out of this is to tell the whole truth.”

minho swallowed. “the- the whole truth?” 

chan understood immediately. “no, just about his past, and why you did what you did.”

minho sighed in relief. “oh, ok.” 

chan got up to leave, but minho grabbed his arm. “thank you, for everything. i don’t know what we’d do without you. and- about, you know- we’ll get through it.”

chan smiled. “thanks you. that’s my job. don’t worry, we’ll figure everything out. from what i’ve heard it seems like you leaving isn’t a major possibility.”

minho nodded, smiling gratefully. 

once chan left, minho opened his phone and checked social media. videos of the incident had been spread all over, but thankfully they all began from when the manager started getting mad at jisung. some of them even had somewhat accurate subtitles of the argument.

the response was mostly shocked and confused. one said “i don’t know what happened, but i trust lino. he wouldn’t do that without reason.” when he clicked translate, another said “can we talk about how the manager was going to slap jisung in the face?” another said “how did jisung know he was going to hit him?” 

as he kept scrolling, he found a few that were criticizing his actions, saying he had anger issues, or other problems. others had circulated threads of all the kind things he had done throughout his career. many were calling for the manager to be fired, and someone had even compiled clips of him acting aggressive and rude over the years, which minho couldn’t deny. 

he couldn’t even understand why their manager had actually tried to slap jisung. probably because he would be the one responsible for waiting and figuring things out, but still. he had shoved the members around before, and definitely yelled at them, but he had never really tried to hurt them physically. at least, not like this. 

minho’s anxiety was alleviated slightly. a wave of love and gratitude towards stays washed over him. they truly believed in him. without even thinking about it, he grabbed a pen and paper from a shelf on the side of the room and started writing down his feelings as if he were talking to them, just to capture his thoughts. he apologized sincerely, and explained how it was his own fault and fundamentally wrong to do, and that he regretted creating an example shouldn’t be followed. but he also explained his actions, how he cared for all the members, and how jisung’s reaction broke him, leaving out the part about being in love with him. he wrote down how thankful he was towards stays, how he had seen how they jumped to his defense, and how amazing they were. 

when he finished, he went back to scrolling through different social medias, and eventually chan came back in, along with members of their PR team. 

they told him that they’re going to release a statement detailing everything that happened and why minho did it, but also apologies from hi and a statement from jisung. they were also considering firing the manager considering how many people online have called for it. throughout the whole thing, minho’s heart soared at the thought of staying with jisung and his brain was once again filled with 

_ i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you  _

they asked him to write a handwritten apology letter, to which he replied,

“i already did,” and handed them the note he wrote. they edited it slightly and told him to rewrite with the edits, which he happily complied with. a couple hours later, jyp released an official statement, including the report of no charges pressed, a recap of the situation, and the handwritten letters from both jisung and minho. 

everything turned out ok. an outpouring of support arrived for jisung, and for minho for defending him, and for stray kids for being open about issues of bullying and abuse. minho couldn’t believe he’s not being kicked out, let alone getting positive feedback. of course there were some negative opinions, but that’s nothing compared to the joy of remaining in stray kids. 

as replies flooded in, chan relaxed back into his chair. minho ran his hand through his hair and sighed again in relief, sharing a small smile with chan. 

the head of the PR team rose from her chair. “thank you all for your hard work. minho and chan, it’s our strong advice that stray kids take two week’s hiatus to let things settle down and blow over before you continue with official activities. we have already advised the rest of your members to do the same.”

immediately minho turned to chan, gripping the arm rests of his chair in urgency. 

“where’s jisung?” the desperation was obvious in minho’s voice. 

“he was in his room in the dorm.”

murmuring another thank you, minho was out the door and running down the hallway before chan could say “you’re welcome”. 


	13. Chapter 13

without taking the time to grab anything other than his phone, minho ran out of the conference room and up the stairs to the dorms. staff he passed looked at him in concern. by the time he got to the dorms, he could barely speak to jeongin, who was walking down the hallway between their rooms. panting, minho managed to ask,

“is.. jisung… here?”

jeongin observed his breathless state with curiosity. “no, he left about ten minutes ago. i’m not sure where he went.”

minho cursed, which he usually didn’t do in front of the youngest. without saying anything more, minho ran out of the dorms after grabbing a hat, mask, and scarf, leaving jeongin confused and concerned. 

leaning against the wall of the back side of the jyp building, minho felt even more out of breath at the thought of calling jisung, but he did it anyways. each ring piled anxiety on minho as  _ i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you _ filled his ears. no one picked up. cursing again, minho tried two more times, but still got no answer. burying his face in his hands for a moment, he thought about where jisung might go in a situation like this. of course jisung knew that minho was in love with him, so there must be something about it that was bothering him. where would jisung go to relieve anxiety or heartbreak about their relationship? 

han river. 

specifically, olympic bridge. 

first of all, jisung loved han river. he loved the parks and the dark water and the view of the city. secondly, they had been there many times throughout the past years. stray kids had been there for filming, but jisung and minho had gone there by themselves during the rare breaks they had during trainee days. after debut, they didn’t go as much, because of the possibility of people sighting them. it was a company rule that only groups of three members were allowed out in the city at a time, never only two. they didn’t always follow it, but that combined with their busier schedules meant minho hadn’t been to han river with jisung in two years. 

and while the rest of stray kids preferred the grassy banks and parks, jisung had always loved the bridge closest to them, olympic bridge. one night, in a hotel in sydney, jisung had whispered to minho through the dark, “ _ sydney and everyone here is amazing, but where i most wanted to be all day was olympic bridge with just stray kids. or just you.”  _

minho had kept that in his mind ever since, and resolved to take jisung there one day. but he had never had a chance to.

he might be wrong, but jisung was the sentimental type. he acted like he was in a movie sometimes, without meaning to or realizing. that was one of the things minho loved most about him.

whatever was bothering jisung now, minho needed to be there. silently thanking the cold, almost snowy weather and dark sky, minho pulled his scarf over his face and his hat down, and started running. he had no money with him, but it wasn’t too far. the cold air burned his face, and his chest hurt from running, and thought of jisung in pain, again.

passing by restaurants and bars, minho didn’t notice anything besides what was ahead of him. even if he was drawing attention, he was running too fast for anyone to get a picture that wasn’t blurry. 

he finally reached olympic bridge, the middle lit up in red and pink just in time for valentine’s day tomorrow. the pedestrian path was long and very narrow, but thankfully both the bridge and the area around it were completely deserted. his eyes searched wildly for jisung’s figure.

finally, in the middle of the bridge, he spotted jisung, arms resting on the railing, staring out at the water. minho’s heart turned into a million butterflies that flapped around in his chest. he got closer to jisung and stopped running. at the sound of his heaving breaths, jisung turned and squinted at him. 

“..minho?”

minho didn’t have the breath to say anything, but stepped closer to jisung, fiddling with his gloves. 

_ i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you i’m in love with you  _

jisung looked at the older boy standing in front of him, breathing like he almost just drowned. the boy who attacked someone that tried to hurt him. the boy who slowly broke his heart into tiny shattering pieces, and then stomped on the pieces when he said nothing after jisung’s idiotic confession. the boy who reached so deep into his heart that parts that jisung didn’t know could hurt were throbbing. the boy who was looking at him with such tenderness and vulnerability, making jisung’s heart break all over again. the boy who had stunned him from the moment he walked in. the boy who held him while he cried and let his clothes absorb his tears and his ears absorb his pain. the boy who laughed at him and made him laugh. the boy who he wanted to spend every single fucking minute of his life with. the boy who clearly didn’t feel the same way as jisung did. 

the boy who grabbed him by the waist, pulling their warm bodies together in the cold air, and kissed him. 

  
  


after a moment of shock, jisung kissed him back. in the sea of cold , they were warm. jisung felt the warmth of minho’s breath, and hands holding his waist, and his lips, slightly chapped from the cold but soft underneath. he felt like his heart had never broken, and was filled with warmth and happiness. he pulled minho’s hat off, making him smile into their kiss, but making him pull in even closer when jisung ran his hand through his hair and down the back of his head to his neck. minho pulled away to catch his breath for a second, breathing harder then before, but kissed jisung again after gasping a few breaths, like kissing jisung was more vital and necessary than breathing. jisung leaned back into the railing as he kissed minho with equal urgency, their lips fitting perfectly together. after another moment, minho struggled to say something, practically into jisungs mouth. he pulled away with difficulty, and held jisung’s face in both his hands when jisung tried to kiss him again. 

minho couldn’t even open his eyes, but jisung was whispering “what? what?” desperately. 

he finally opened his eyes, and pressed his forehead to jisung’s, struggling to get words out, but dead serious.

“..i’m…in…love...with...you.”

jisung broke into the most genuine smile minho had seen on him in weeks. he melted into minho’s arms, hugging him with his head resting on minho’s shoulder, fitting perfectly. he nestled his head into minho’s neck, and minho could feel jisung’s smile against his own rapidly beating pulse. 

they fit so perfectly together that they didn’t move for another three minutes, more than happy to just be touching. after feeling something wet on his hand, jisung lifted his head to find that it had started snowing. he smiled at minho, who noticed and starting brushing the snow off jisung’s head, never mind that there really wasn’t any. 

minho held jisung’s hand in his own two to find that it was shaking. brushing jisung’s face in concern, minho asked,

“have you eaten anything since the airport?”

jisung shook his head, smiling at how well minho knew him. without saying anything more, minho grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers, and led him back down the narrow pathway of the bridge, city lights sparkling against the night sky. checking his watch to see it was 12:08, jisung said,

“happy valentine’s day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS SIX THIRTY AM OH WELL BUT YEAH I HOPE THIS IS OK AND DW ITS NOT THE END YET


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: some light sexual tension/not exactly pg but nothing graphic or sexual 
> 
> also how did i manage to make valentine’s day and minsung getting together in this line up with actual valentine’s day. trust me this wasn’t planned lmao i don’t even know what month it is usually 
> 
> also im sorry this is completely self indulgent fluff but oh well it’s valentine’s day there’s an excuse

unfortunately, they did have to let go of each other’s hands once other people could see them. even if no one could see their faces, two men holding hands was still risky. honestly, minho thought that people could probably tell they were in love even if they were just walking together. he felt like they were glowing.

jisung had so many questions, but according to minho it could wait. when they arrived at the fast food place after a couple minutes of walking, minho sheepishly turned to jisung. 

“i…. may have left without my wallet..”

jisung just smiled. “in a hurry, huh? did you really run like two and a half miles just to get to me?”

minho blushed furiously. “i hadn’t seen you all day, and the last time i saw you was when you confessed that you were in love with me, so who’s really the bigger simp here?” minho whispered, laughing teasingly. jisung felt an indescribable feeling of warmth and a pleasant sort of embarrassment. he scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

“well, i guess that makes sense..” 

minho smiled and stuck out his tongue, and then they were next in line. 

“hi, can we have two burgers, one strawberry milkshake, and one large fries please?” minho asked, making his voice huskier than normal as an attempt to disguise, even though the cashier probably didn’t even know who they were. jisung would laugh, but it was kinda hot, which he decided to tell minho by whispering in his ear. minho shoved him gently, grinning as they stepped back to wait for their food. even in the fluorescent light, and with only his eyes visible, minho still looked effortlessly attractive to jisung. minho was attractive just by nature, everything he did made jisung’s heart race. 

after such a long day, and in the new state of mind that came after han jisung told you he was in love with you and you finally got to kiss him, all minho wanted was to have fun with him. other things could come later. without making eye contact, he whispered in a low voice, almost growling, 

“ _ you like that, huh?”  _ in jisung’s ear. 

eyes widening and blush spreading obnoxiously across what minho could see of his face, jisung hit him on the chest playfully. scoffing in disbelief, jisung pushed a grinning, victorious minho away. 

“since when were you so cocky?”

“since i’ve known you were such a simp for me.”

jisung just stared at him. this boy was unbelievable. he loved it. 

“i can’t believe you. one kiss and you’re flirting like a movie star.”

“so you think i’m as handsome as a movie star?”

jisung shook his head. he looked up at minho, smiling. 

“more.”

now minho was blushing. 

after getting their food, they walked back to the dorm, teasing each other. they managed to sneak back into the building without being seen. outside the door to their dorms, jisung grabbed minho’s arm. 

“we have to pretend everything is normal, ok? act like we were just talking or something. oh, we were just picking up the food we ordered.”

minho looked down, smiling slyly. “if you say so. no smiling.”

jisung tried his best to hold back his own smile. “really! i mean it!” he said, trying to sound serious, but smiling more as he covered his mouth in an attempt to hide it. 

minho close his eyes and tried to pull himself together with fake dignity. “it’s easier if i don’t look at you.” 

“ok. i won’t look at you.”

“and don’t talk to me until we get into our room.”

“ok. i won’t.”

“and if anyone asks, just say we were talking by the back entrance.”

“ok,” jisung said, still trying not to smile.

“ok,” minho agreed, and opened the door for jisung.

jisung couldn’t help but smile more from this small action as he walked into their dorm to find felix, chan, changbin, and jeongin on the couches. 

“hi guys,” said chan. 

minho giggled. “hi.”

jisung tried his hardest not to smile more or break into laughter. neither of them looked up from their shoes. 

“..where were you?” asked felix after a second.

“um, we, uh, just went outside.”

“just to talk.”

“yeah. just to talk. and get the food.”

the members nodded, felix and chan exchanging a look. 

“uh, ok.. well i’m glad you both seem to be feeling better. did something...change? you were both so...depressed.”

jisung burst into laughter, covering his face and doubling over,holding onto minho’s leg for support. minho held his gaze on the floor, smiling from ear to ear but trying not to laugh. he placed a hand on jisung’s back, and jisung straightened up with a fake serious expression. 

“no. we’re just tired.”

chan nodded slowly. the members all looked between the two, who were shaking from silent laughter. confused, chan said,

“uh, ok. why don’t you both try to get some rest, then?”

“ok, we will. thanks chan.”

jisung was doubled over in laughter again, and minho led him to their room with a hand on his back, trying to hold in his laughter with all his strength. once they were in the safety of their room, jisung flung himself onto the bed, tears coming out of his eyes as he laughed. minho flopped next to him, laughing just as hard. “you’re really bad at that,” he said, getting up to take off his coat, hat, and gloves. 

“you weren’t exactly helping,” said jisung, also getting up. minho stood behind him and helped him take his coat off, wrapping his arms around jisung after. jisung smiled at the intimate and domestic gesture, turning his head towards minho. he felt like he could melt right into the floor. he never realized how much affection he was missing out on in a platonic relationship with minho. he had never known him to be like this. 

“you don’t know how much i’ve wanted to do this,” whispered minho into jisung’s ear, breath hot and earnest. jisung closed his eyes for a moment, unable to bear the fluttering of his heart. he pulled minho to sit on their bed, and they settled to sit across from each other while eating. 

“so, you actually like me?” asked minho. jisung leaned forward to shove him playfully. 

“i thought you knew since weeks ago! i thought that’s why you started avoiding me!”

minho could only blink, dumbfounded. “no, you dummy. remember that night when i pulled you up from the couch and almost kissed you? i literally collapsed because i realized i was in love with you!”

“you also hadn’t slept in weeks. but, really? i thought you just realized i was in love with you! then why did you avoid me? i thought you hated me!”

minho started pouting, and looked like he wanted to cry. jisung tackled him into a hug, both of them falling onto the bed. as jisung stroked his cheek, minho said “i would never ever ever hate you, jisung. not even if you killed someone.”

jisung smiled. “but then why did you avoid me and act coldly, if you didn’t hate me?”

minho rolled his eyes. “because i was- am- so in love with you! every time i even just made eye contact with you i wanted to kiss you. i thought you would never like me so i tried to keep myself from falling in love with you any more. it didn’t work though.. and then i realized you needed me to be there for you, even though you were acting just as cold as i was.”

jisung shook his head in amazement. “you really are stupid sometimes. ah, i cant believe you’re so dumb!! how would you think that, after i-“

“shut up,” interrupted minho, and he grabbed jisung’s face and pulled it down to his own, kissing him again. jisung couldn’t believe it. he wanted to protest, but minho was just so soft, and beautiful, and the way he kissed jisung made him feel like they were the only two people in the whole world. 

minho wondered if jisung could hear his heart beating. he pulled gently on jisung’s lip, making jisung whimper slightly into minho. the sound sent a wave of electricity through minho's whole body. 

gripping jisung’s waist, minho flipped him over so that jisung was lying on his back, not once breaking the kiss. jisung tasted like something indescribable and sweet, and minho couldn’t stop trying to find out what it was. minho was sure that the meaning of life laid somewhere in kissing jisung.

after running out of breath, minho pulled away, breathing heavily and hovering over jisung. he stared into his eyes, where he was sure another meaning of life laid.

every part of them fit perfectly together: their lips, the way jisung’s head was the perfect height to rest on minho’s shoulder, the way their teasing danced around each other. 

there was so much to talk about, but they found that their lips were occupied with other things for the rest of the evening. talking could wait. late at night, when everything was completely silent, they laid facing each other, faces only inches away, smiling like idiots, just taking in each other’s faces, and occasionally reaching out to brush the others cheek or jawline or hair or lips. it felt like for so long they were pieces of art in a museum, ok to look at but not to touch, and now they were free to trace their fingers along collarbones and cheekbones, marveling at the beauty. 

when they finally fell asleep, jisung’s head resting on minhos chest, and hands intertwined, minho thought nothing in the world could make him happier than this. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry i didn't update for a while, i went somewhere for a couple days without signal :( but here's a short chapter and i also worked on some minsung oneshots that i'll finish and upload soon, some of them might be like sort of continuations of this fic in that they happen very shortly after misung get together, but obv i have to finish this one first lol. also there will be a bit more chanlix coming up soon! anways enjoy and comment if you want, i really appreciate reading your feedback :)

minho woke up to sunlight splayed across his eyelids. as he felt the warmth and steady breathing of jisung, curled into him, their hands somehow intertwined, he closed his eyes again in an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. after a few breaths, he gathered up enough courage to look down at jisung. he felt his breath hitch at the sight of the younger boy resting on his shoulder. his lips were puffy and just barely parted. the rays of light reached his fluffy mess of brown hair and the side of his face, highlighting his skin. in this pure, vulnerable state, minho thought jisung looked exactly how sunlight hitting your face felt, or taking a hot shower on a cold day, or holding a soft kitten, delicate and beautiful and warm and reminding you why you existed in the world. he watched the sunlight spread to the rest of jisung’s face as the sun rose lazily. jisung’s eyes opened after the light hit them. he rolled over to his right sleepily, where minho just happened to be. 

“ugh-” minho grunted as jisung’s weight transferred onto his chest, but he couldn't help but smile. “hi,” said jisung, his sleepy smile somehow audible through just one word, and minho wanted to melt. 

they lay there, jisung on top of minho like a blanket as the morning sun filled the room. jisung never wanted to leave. minho felt soft but firm underneath him. his breath made jisung rise and fall slightly since he was lying on minho’s chest, minho’s arms wrapped gently around jisung, holding him in a strong grasp. as much as jisung had hated minho for almost getting himself kicked out, in this moment, they had no responsibilities for the next two weeks, and minho was to thank for that. jisung giggled at that, to which minho murmured,

“ _ what’s so funny?” _ , 

which was endlessly endearing and attractive to jisung. he rolled off of minho, making him grunt in exaggerated pain again.

“just that you decided to get all worked up and fight our manager in front of a crowd of fans, and I should be mad at you for almost getting kicked out, but now we now get two weeks off because of you which is pretty nice...”

minho huffed in joking exasperation. “isn’t that everyone’s dream? their boyfriend fighting someone on their behalf..”

jisung grabbed minho’s hand, propping himself up on his elbow, and looked at minho with loving puppy eyes and an adoring pout. 

“you’re my boyfriend?”

minho rolled his eyes. “is there someone else you would prefer?”

jisung hit him playfully on the chest, but let his hand rest there for a moment before traveling up to caress the side of minho’s smiling face. he leaned down and kissed him, short and sweet, warm from the sunlight. “does that answer your question?”

minho pretended to contemplate his answer by looking around. “hmm.. could you do it again? i’m not sure i understood fully…” 

now it was jisung's turn to roll his eyes, but he couldn’t stop smiling. rubbing his thumb over minho’s cheek, he kissed him again, taking longer this time before pulling away. it took him a couple seconds before he could open his eyes to find minho smiling at him, which never failed to trigger his own smile. “do you understand now?”

minho shook his head slyly. “nope. again?” 

jisung thought for a moment before pulling the covers away and practically jumping out of their bed with a newfound energy. “only if you get up and brush your teeth!”

minho groaned and let his head fall back onto the pillow. “you’re cruel, han jisung.”

jisung laughed and went into the bathroom, returning with minho’s toothbrush. “here. now hurry up so i can kiss you again because otherwise i might kiss you before you do it and then i would have no dignity at all.”

minho sighed as he got out of bed. “fine. but it’s not like you had any dignity in the first place.” he hit jisung gently on the butt as he took the toothbrush from him and went into the bathroom, leaving jisung laughing.

jisung made up for forcing minho to get up and brush his teeth by hugging him from behind the whole time. he then brushed his own teeth while minho waited sitting cross legged on the bed, pouting. 

jisung came out of the bathroom, wiping stray droplets of water off of  his face with the back of his hand. at the sight of minho looking like an abandoned puppy, he laughed and tackled him into a hug on the bed before leaning down to kiss him again. his hand ruffled minho’s hair as he held the back of his head while they kissed, falling back further onto the soft pillows and holding each other. when they ran out of breath, jisung asked, “does that answer your question now? can you tell i want to be your boyfriend more than anything else in the world?”

minho just kissed him again. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: a little bit of spicy minsung. also chanlix lets goooooo :))  
> if ur enjoying this i would rly appreciate it if u commented, it makes me more motivated to write more and i rly appreciate feedback!  
> enjoy <333

now that jisung no longer had to hide his feelings, he could openly stare at minho as he took his shirt off. also, minho could purposely take a while to look for a new shirt, newly aware of his effect on jisung, who sat on the edge of the bed in awe while minho searched in his drawers. he glanced up at jisung to see his reaction, not even making eye contact as jisung’s eyes were glued elsewhere.

“excuse me, but my eyes are up here,” minho said, smirking.

jisung managed to tear his eyes off of minho’s body to meet his eyes. minho was smiling slyly, and jisung blushed warm pink. “sorry...”

minho just laughed, and pulled one of jisung’s gray t-shirts over his head with natural grace and ease. “i’m kidding, jisung. besides, i don’t blame you.”

jisung rolled his eyes but blushed more nonetheless. he tried to say something but couldn’t manage to pull even one coherent word together.

“why are you blushing even more now that i put my shirt on?” minho asked, and bent down to playfully hit jisung on the shoulder. 

jisung huffed in exasperation and embarrassment. “well first of all, you’re wearing _my_ shirt, which is almost as attractive as you wearing no shirt, and second of all, it’s.. ah, it’s really…”

minho raised one eyebrow and crossed his arms across his chest as he looked down at jisung.

“it’s really.. what?”

jisung didn’t think it was possible to blush any more, but he did.

“i.... i like it when you say my name in a sentence…”

he covered his face with both hands and turned around to bury his head in the pillow.

minho smiled, an evil look in his eyes. he moved next to jisung in one swift, catlike motion, propping himself up on his elbows, and whispered in his ear,

“then i’ll try to do it more often, _jisung.”_

jisung sprang up to tackle him but minho leaped off of the bed quickly and ran to the doorway, giggling madly. he started to unlock the door but was interrupted as jisung pushed him up against the wall and cornered him, both arms against the wall. he whispered “does it not have the same effect for you, _minho?”_ with a husky voice in minho’s ear. he promptly turned and went out the door, smirking in satisfaction and leaving minho blushing against the wall.

  
  


after minho had calmed down, he walked out into the kitchen to find jisung making something and chan sitting alone at the table, eating cereal with his head hung low.

“hi minho hyung,” said jisung casually, as if nothing had changed. a mischievous smile spread over his face; minho could see even though jisung didn’t look up from his cooking. 

with narrowed eyes and a sly smile, minho ran his tongue over his teeth, planning revenge in his head. jisung looked up at him, a cocky grin on his face as he said “i’m making pancakes.”

“thanks, _jisung_ ,” said minho, sitting down next to chan, who seemed too absorbed in his thoughts to notice minho’s suggestive tone.

“how did you sleep? when i got up you were still asleep. you were drooling too, all over the pillow. it was gross.” said jisung, ignoring minho’s teasing, but a slight blush giving him away. minho laughed and thanked god, or maybe just jisung, for how easily and well jisung could lie. 

“i slept fine, thanks. and i don’t know what you’re talking about, i don’t drool in my sleep. how did you sleep, chan hyung?” he turned to chan, who hadn’t even looked up since he came in.

“not great. happy valentine’s day, by the way,’ chan mumbled. 

minho and jisung exchanged a look, and jisung shrugged to say he didn’t know what was up. minho turned his chair to face chan.

“is everything ok?”

chan nodded, still staring down into his bowl. “just tired.”

minho didn’t buy it, but he didn’t press further. checking his phone to see that it was almost 11 am, he asked, “where is everyone?”

chan swirled his spoon around. “changbin is working out. jeongin and hyunjin are with him, I think.” he finally looked up from his cereal to meet minho’s eyes, a pained look evident on his face. “and felix is in the practice room with seungmin. i don’t know what they’re doing.” chan sighed, and minho looked at him knowingly and sympathetically. he squeezed chan’s shoulder as jisung looked at him curiously. 

chan looked at minho, who was now watching jisung put the pancakes on a plate. then at jisung, who walked over with the pancakes, plates and maple syrup for them. minho got up to help him carry everything and pulled out his chair for him, making jisung look down and smile in a way that made his cheeks puff up, which of course made minho smile adoringly. when they had sat down, chan looked between them again. “i take it you guys.. made up? you seemed a little distant this past month, and we heard some yelling before we left the airport..”

jisung just looked at minho, who was now smiling at his pancakes. “yeah, we figured things out..” said minho.

chan raised an eyebrow quizzically, hesitantly looking between the two again. after a moment of awkward silence, jisung blurted out: 

“he finally kissed me, if that’s what you’re asking.”

minho looked at him with incredulous amazement. “jisung!!”

jisung just shrugged. “from your awkwardness i can tell chan knew you liked me, and there’s no way he couldn’t tell i liked you.”

chan laughed as minho glared at him, putting his fork down. “you knew jisung liked me and you didn’t tell me?!”

“he never told me outright! i had suspicions but i wasn’t sure… i didn’t want to get your hopes up and then break your heart if it turned out that jisung constantly talking about you since he met you didn’t mean he liked you.”

jisung scoffed. “hey! he doesn’t need to know that...”

now they were all laughing. “i’m really happy for you guys, it makes me so happy to see you happy,” chan said, as he squeezed both of their shoulders. they both cringed and fake groaned at the cheesy statement, but were thankful for his support. “just don’t break each other’s hearts, ok? there’s enough drama as is,” he said, looking pointedly at minho, who became suddenly very interested in the maple syrup. 

“really though. i’m happy for you,” chan said, but there was an undertone of pain in his voice. 

jisung looked at minho, who was awkwardly rubbing chan’s shoulder in an effort to comfort him. “hyung, if there’s something wrong, you can tell me too,” he said hesitantly.

chan shook his head. “it’ll make a difficult situation for you..”

jisung drew his eyebrows together in concern. “how?”

minho looked at chan, who was mindlessly swirling his spoon around in the leftover milk. “hyung, you can tell him. he won’t say anything.”

after a moment, chan looked up at jisung searchingly. “it involves someone you’re close to, you really won’t be weirded out?”

“as long as it’s not that you’re in love with minho, i really won’t mind at all, and i won’t tell whoever it is.”

chan laughed sadly. “you’re not far off, but it’s not minho. it’s, um...” he took a deep breath. 

“it’s felix…”

even though minho already knew, he felt a pang of heartbreak on chan’s behalf upon hearing it out loud. jisung pushed his chair back from the table slightly, eyes widening in surprise, and almost spit his food out. “wait- wait- you like felix? as in lee felix? lee yongbok felix? sun-”

chan interrupted him. “yes, perfect beautiful sunshine felix.” he buried his face in his hands hopelessly.

jisung couldn’t believe it. “but- but you never show affection to him! and he's so affectionate-”

“-with everyone else? you don’t need to remind me.” said chan, voice muffled. “he hugs everyone else all the time and says soft things to them, and he treats me like an older brother that he’s scared of most of the time, now.”

jisung pulled his chair back in. “i’m sorry. but-” he hesitated, and minho could see his thoughts racing. after a minute, jisung rested his hand on chan’s back gently, and said “i’m really sorry. do you- is there anything we can do for you, or…?”

chan sighed. “no, it’s ok. honestly, i’d rather be alone right now, nothing personal, but if you don’t mind…” he stared blankly ahead, and minho thought he might be about to cry.

jisung nodded and got up. minho got up too, and patted chan on the head awkwardly again. “let us know if you need anything, i hope you feel better.” 

“thanks, i will,” said chan, without conviction.

jisung practically dragged minho back into their room and shut the door quickly. 

“why didn’t you tell me chan likes felix?!” jisung asked minho, shaking him by the shoulders. 

minho looked at him like he was crazy. “because… i barely even knew myself… and why would i tell you his business?”

jisung rolled his eyes and shook minho harder. “don’t you see?! felix is hopelessly in love with chan too!”

minho blinked in surprise. “...he is?”

“yes!!” said jisung, practically shouting in excitement. "he tells me all the time!!!"

minho put a finger to his lips. “shhhh!”

“sorry,” jisung whispered.

minho was in shock but that didn't stop him from thinking quickly. “well… how was i supposed to know that?”

after thinking for a moment, jisung said, “...good point. sorry for shaking you.”

minho rolled his eyes. “you dummy. but this is perfect! and it’s valentines day too!!” now he grabbed jisung’s shoulders, and jumped up and down in excitement.

“wait. how are we going to orchestrate this? we can’t just tell them, they need to figure it out and confess to each other. and a confession is no joke, we need to make theirs perfect. i mean, it’ll be nothing compared to you chasing after me and kissing on a bridge in the snow at midnight, but still..”

minho smiled. “yeah, that was pretty awesome of me. and you i guess. but you’re right.”

jisung rolled his eyes. he pulled a notebook and pen out of the desk and sat down on the bed, opening to a fresh page. “so what are we going to do?”


End file.
